


Halloween

by Tv_Saved_The_Teenage_Girl



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Halloween, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25046653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tv_Saved_The_Teenage_Girl/pseuds/Tv_Saved_The_Teenage_Girl
Summary: Spencer and you have been childhood friends ever since he moved in next door to you, the two of you quickly bonding over your shared love for Halloween. But as the years go on and the two of you begin to move at different paces, will you be able to stay friends or will the distance tear you apart?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 38
Kudos: 130





	1. we can be anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I'm trying to be as accurate as I can, but I am also not perfect, so as far as timeline and stuff goes, know I'm trying to be as accurate as I can be. Anyway, I've been itching to write this, and after two abandoned attempts at writing a smutty one shot, I decided to write another chapter fic. No one reads the notes so...yeah

When you’re friends with someone long enough, you often wonder how it was the two of you started talking in the first place. Looking back, you try to remember first impressions, secrets shared, and the moment you knew they would always carry a place in your heart. The first time you met Spencer Reid, you were both five. He had just moved in next door and though you both tend to argue about how the friendship began, it was a fact that by October 31st, the two of you had already become inseparable. 

It was hard to dispute when you had photos of the two of you, all dressed up and ready to go. That first Halloween you shared together, you were dressed as a ladybug and him a pirate, a picture holding that smiling moment like amber had been hidden in your wallet ever since you found it in a photo album in your attic. But as the pictures began to grow few and far between, your memory took its time to hold onto youthful moments, especially the ones that happened around Halloween. 

~

“A bet is a bet, it’s not my fault you agreed to it.” Spencer grinned as you began walking down to the 7-11 at the end of the neighborhood. You had agreed to the same bet that the two of you had been making since Spencer realized he could scam you, knowing you never backed out of a challenge. But as the sun beatdown, bouncing off the simmering concrete, you couldn’t help but complain.

“This is highway robbery, plus it’s unfair that I have to play against you. You’re a ten-year-old taking advantage of a nine-year-old.” You pouted, crossing your arms

“Nice try, I _just_ turned ten. And do you even know what highway robbery means?” Spencer interjected, which you ignored.

“Not to mention, you’re in high school now. It’s unfair that I have to play chess against you.”

“I’ve been trying to teach you,” He said in defense, which was true.

“My mom says you’re like a child prodigy.” The two of you never used to talk about things like this, but ever since he began moving faster in school, the topic came up more often, and if you were honest it seemed like Spencer didn’t care too much for the title.

“Your mom says a lot of things,” Spencer joked, causing you to nudge him with your shoulder as the two of you laughed. “Besides,” He shrugged. “I read that child prodigies rarely become adult geniuses who change the world.”

“I don’t know about that. Prodigy or not, I’ve got a feeling about you, Spencer Reid.” You gave him a big grin as the two of you stepped into the 7-11, heading straight for the slushy machine, filling up your cups. “You’re definitely going to change the world.” As the two of you walked up to the cash register, you handed the lady a few coins and some wadded up dollars, settling your bet. By the time you headed back outside to sit on the curb, you had almost completely forgotten the conversation, too immersed in the contrast of your cool drink and the hot concrete.

“Do you want to bet on it?” Spencer asked, causing you to narrow your eyes as you contemplated his offer.

“Yeah, I’ll bet on it.” You said, offering your hand to shake only to remember he wasn’t keen on that kind of thing. But before you could fully withdraw your hand, he shook it.

“You’re on, y/n.”

~

Usually, the days leading up to Halloween were filled with joy and anticipation, but this year, however, was different. The reality of life had begun to seep into the fantasy world the two of you had created, created to escape life in the first place. But when Spencer’s dad walked out on him and his mom, the damage was too big to ignore.

Taking your mom's advice, you left him alone for a few days to process his emotions, that’s what she told you he needed to do. And while you did stay away, you couldn’t help but want to see him, to know that he was ok. He was your best friend, and maybe he needed some time by himself, but you didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want your company.

So when the big day itself came up, you grabbed your costume and went over to his house after school. After all, the two of you had been planning on coordinating your costumes and you would feel silly going without him. You almost never went over to his house, Spencer always insisted he’d come over to yours for reasons he never quite talked about. Which would explain the confused look he had on his face when he opened the door. His eyes were red and bloodshot, the sight of which caused you to drop what you were holding to give him a hug, something the two of you had never done before. He stiffened for a moment as if contemplating what to do before he began to relax, allowing his arms to wrap around you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come over sooner,” Your breathing was shaky as you tried not to cry at the state of him. “My mom said you needed time alone,”

“I did,” He confirmed, nodding his head as the two of you pulled away from each other. “Do you want to come in?” Spencer asked, stepping aside.

“Yeah,” Picking up your things, you followed him to his room, ignoring the state of his house. “Are we trick-or-treating tonight?” You asked as you set your stuff down on his desk.

“I don’t know,” Spencer sighed, laying down on his bed. “I hadn’t really thought about it.” Kicking off your shoes, you moved to lay next to him, staring up at the stars on his ceiling.

“You, not thinking about Halloween?” You tapped his foot with yours. “That’s shocking.” Waiting for laughter that never came, you shifted to lean on your elbow. “It’s that bad, huh?”

“He left me a letter…” He shut his eyes as he rubbed his face. “A _letter_.”

“What did it say?”

“Nothing important,” Spencer sighed again before opening his eyes to look at you. “Do you think he left because of me? Because I’m not a normal kid?” His questions were heavy and they settled over the both of you, too young to fully understand. “Do you think it’s because I don’t play sports? Or I’m not masculine enough?”

As the two of you began to grow, it was becoming more and more clear to you that Spencer was mentally maturing at a faster rate than you. Most days you could pretend it wasn’t true or at least shrug it off, burying the fear that he would one day realize you were too juvenile to hang out with. But in moments like these, you really felt your age. It was then, however, that it dawned on you that he was _still_ just a kid too.

“Spencer,” You rested your hand on top of his, he had been rambling this whole time about the statistics of children in divorced households, only stopping when you touched him. “I’m no genius, but I am pretty sure you did nothing wrong. You were just being yourself.”

“But I was never who he wanted me to be,” Not knowing how to shake him out of it, you tried your initial intent.

“But Spence, it’s Halloween…tonight we can be anything _we_ want to be.” He seemed to contemplate your words for a moment, chewing his lip. “I can’t give you any answers, but I can force you to go out, get some candy, and then watch a scary movie with me like we always do.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he sat up.

“You just want to use me for extra candy.”

“How did you know?!” You pretended to be surprised as he chucked a pillow at you.

“Fine, you win, but I get to pick the movie,” Spencer said, standing to grab his costume.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” You laughed, relieved to see him smile again.


	2. living in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're out here doing our best with continuity...but is our best enough? Yes...yes it is cause this is just a random fanfic some nerd wrote. ANyway, here is another chapter.

After Spencer’s dad left, he grew even closer to you, as if it were possible. The bond you had become stronger through your shared family trauma. Every day after school, he’d come over to your house to sit and do homework, which ended up in him just helping you out with your own. You didn’t know what you were going to do once he left for college, which had crept up on the both of you. In a year, he’d be off getting a degree and you’d be left to fend for yourself.

Who were you supposed to bother now? Who was going to listen to your problems and give you statistics in return? More importantly, who was going to celebrate Halloween with you? You knew you’d have to make new friends in his absence, and while you figured you could manage, a part of you was worried he wouldn’t. He had been in high school for a couple of years now and not once had he mentioned a single friend.

It was a normal Friday afternoon as you sat on your front steps waiting for Spencer to come home from school. The two of you had made plans to head to the mall and look for the perfect Halloween costumes, but he never showed. You waited an hour before you decided to bike there yourself, figuring he got caught up in some after school activity. Spencer _had_ recently been tutoring a few kids, maybe he forgot to tell you he couldn’t make it.

You needed to go to the mall without him anyways to pick up the last of his birthday present. Spencer’s 12th birthday was a week away, but the gift you got him was possibly the nicest thing you’d managed to save for and it was becoming increasingly difficult not to tell him what it was. Part of you was worried he wouldn’t like it, you were going out on a limb with it, but you also felt like you were giving him a small piece of you to take with him when he left.

By the time you got back home, it was time for dinner and you didn’t think to check on Reid. It was only when you retired to your room that you noticed him. Through your window, you saw Spencer, disheveled with his head hanging low as he slunk up the steps of his house. You watched in confusion as you waited for his bedroom light to turn on. Cracking open your window, you stepped out, thankful that you both lived in one-story houses as you made your way to his, tapping just loud enough for him to hear.

“Y/n?” Spencer pulled his curtains back, sliding open the window for you to climb through.

“Spence, where were you today? I waited-” You stopped talking when you finally got a good look at him. His eyes were red and swollen, something you were growing used to seeing, but it never got easier on your heart. Not only that, but his hair was more of a mess than usual, his shirt was on backwards and his lip was cut. “Oh my, God.”

“Shit y/n, I’m sorry I-”

“No, don’t worry about me, what happened to _you_?” Your voice began to rise, but you quickly lowered it as your eyes darted to the door, worried you’d made too much noise.

“She’s asleep, she had another one of her episodes…she didn’t even notice I was gone.” He moved to walk away when you gently grabbed his wrist.

“What did they _do_ to you?” You were growing sick of asking him these kinds of questions, sick of the people that kept doing this to him, cause with every question you asked you could see his eyes glaze over as if he was living through it again.

“It’s nothing…”

“Bullshit, don’t lie to me,” You bit back, tears threatening to shed. “You’re shirt’s on backwards.” Letting go of his wrist, you raked your hand through your hair. This wasn’t the first time he had been bullied, but he usually hid it from you, refusing to talk about it. Turning to walk towards his closet, he took his shirt off. “Holy shit, Spencer!” You gasped as you reached out to touch the deep bruises decorating his ribs.

“They, uh…” He sniffled, refusing to look at you. “They…stripped me…n-naked and tied me to a goalpost…” Spencer struggled with the words as he slipped into a t-shirt. “There were a bunch of other students just…watching…” His shoulders began to shake as he started to cry, and all you could think to do was hold him. In the past few months he’d gotten a lot taller, but that didn’t stop him from practically collapsing into your arms as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You could feel his tears staining your shirt as you both stood there, your mind struggling to come up with something to say.

“I’m sorry,” Was all you could come up with, too horrified by what happened to think. “Do you want me to kill them for you? Give me their names and I’ll make them pay.”

“No,” Spencer laughed as he pulled away from you, wiping his face.

“I might have something that’ll make you feel better,” You gave him a small smile, making your way towards his window. “I’ll be right back.”

You were gone only moments before sneaking back into his room to find him sitting patiently on his bed, a look of relief when he saw you again. It warmed your heart.

“What, did you think I’d just leave you?” He just smiled and shook his head.

“I think I’m watching too many horror movies,” Spencer admitted as you sat next to him.

“Now you’re not making any sense.” You joked, pulling a bag out from behind you. “I know your birthday isn’t for another week, but…” Trailing off, you handed him the bag, biting your lip in anticipation.

“To Spencer,” He grinned as he began reading the birthday card.

“Wait, no don’t read that out loud,” You squeaked as you tried to grab it out of his hands, only for him to raise it up out of your reach.

“I know it’s not your usual thing, but I figured it was time you expanded your knowledge passed books for once. And since you’re going to go off to college pretty soon, I didn’t want you to forget about me. Love always, y/n.” He scrunched his nose in mock disgust, only embarrassing you more.

“Dick,” You shoved him lightly, but he was too busy pulling his gift out of the bag.

“Woah…y/n, this is too much.” Spencer was shocked as he looked down at the old walkman.

“A relative of mine was getting rid of it, so I took it,” You shrugged your shoulders, watching him take out the two cassettes tapes you bought earlier that day. “I got you that classical music you like, but I also got you Nirvana cause you need to stop living in the past. It’s the 90’s, Reid.” The sweet smile that was plastered on his face was enough to tell you he liked your gift.

“Oh yeah, then what’s this?” He asked, pulling out another cassette tape, causing you to roll your eyes. “I’m not the only one living in the past, if I’m not mistaken, this Queen album came out in 1977.” Spencer teased you before taking a closer look at the cassette. “Wait…This is _your_ cassette of News Of The World…it’s your favorite. Why are you giving it to me?” Standing up, you shrugged for the second time.

“I figured if I gave you a part of me to hold on to, I’d be harder for you to forget.” You admitted, looking down at your feet.

“Thank you, I love it.” Spencer said earnestly. “And I don’t know why you think I’m just going to go off and forget about you, _you’re_ the one that’s going to forget about me.” He laughed.

“Hmm, I’m not so sure about that…I wouldn’t bet on it.”

“Nor would I,”

“We still need to go pick out our costumes,” You changed the subject as you headed back towards his window. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” Spencer nodded as you slipped into the night, following you to lock up and make sure you made it home safely.

~

The two of you made sure to go big and scary with your costumes that year, knowing it would probably be your last, as kids _and_ together. Though it was sad, it did earn you a lot of candy, enough to last you till the next Halloween you’d spend together, you had joked. Which spurred Spencer to disprove you, causing you to throw a pillow at him.

The night was filled with laughter, scary movies, popcorn, and the underlying feeling of loss. That Halloween slipped from you like water in your hands.


	3. when you've been drinking and you're wearing a mask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I know how all universities work? Not exactly. Are there frat houses at Caltech? I don't know but for the sake of this narrative there are. I'd also like to take this moment to inform everyone that any rendition of Spencer Reid I write, he's totally bi, because he is, so ~ Sincerely, my bisexual ass

Twirling a loose thread between your fingers, you settled into your seat, unable to stop your knee from bouncing. As far as your mom was concerned, you were staying over at your friend Amy’s house for Halloween. But in reality, you ditched school early to catch the greyhound bus, headed towards Caltech. 

It was nice of Amy to cover for you, it had been years since you got to spend Halloween with Spencer. The two of you sent letters to each other regularly, he’d recommend books and you’d recommend music, but lately, it wasn’t enough. Things at home were getting worse, school wasn’t much better, and the one person who always understood you was in another state. You got the idea to visit him from one of his most recent letters, Spencer told you where his dorm was; _“just in case you’re ever in the area”_. In your mind, it was an open invitation.

You could already feel yourself breathing easier as the bus began its journey. Spencer’s voice in the back of your mind reminded you how dangerous it was for a fifteen-year-old to be traveling by herself, causing you to smile. He was always worried about things like that, but you’d have to remind him you wear nearly sixteen and riding a bus was hardly the most dangerous thing you’ve done.

It was hard to focus on the book in your hands when your mind was racing, it had been so long since you’d properly seen Spencer. He often stayed at the college in the summer to continue classes, and when he was home, you’d always end up missing him. _What if you barely recognize him? What if he doesn’t recognize you? Or worse, what if he didn’t want to see you?_ Shaking your head, you pulled your focus back to the book. There was no point in turning back now.

~

Spencer had changed, that was for sure, but you could spot that boy anywhere. Not just because he was the only sixteen-year-old in the library, it was his wild hair that gave him away, slightly longer then you’d ever seen it, but still out of control. Doing your best to suppress the giant smile growing across your face, you made your way over to his table.

“Hey stud, mind if I cheat off you?” You said the first dumb thing that came to mind, but when he suddenly looked up at you, you could feel the air leave your lungs. _When did he get to be so handsome?_ Now you were sounding like your mother, but it was true. His baby fat was almost completely gone, leaving a sharp jawline, the new bags under his eyes somehow enhanced his features, leaving you stunned.

“Y/n?!” Spencer said a little too loudly, earning him a few shushes from nearby students. He was quick to his feet revealing his new hight, lean and tall, he reminded you of a skeleton. And somehow it suited him. “What are you doing here?” He asked in a hushed tone as he pulled you in for a tight hug, the act causing you to relax. He _was_ glad to see you.

“Your roommate said I’d find you here,” You laughed as he let you go. “What are _you_ doing here? It’s Halloween, don’t you have somewhere better to be than the library studying?” Spencer was too busy smiling down at you to mock offense at your words, his eyes roaming over you just as yours had done to him seconds ago.

“Wow, it’s been too long.” Leaning over the table, he began to pack his stuff into his bag. “I have a big exam on Monday, it kind of outweighs Halloween.” He replied as he motioned for the two of you to make your way out of the library. “Where’s your mom?” Spencer asked, looking around once you two were outside.

“She’s not here.” You answered, causing him to stop.

“Y/n, don’t tell me you traveled all the way here by yourself.” You flashed a toothy grin, causing him to pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you know how dangerous that is? Roughly 600,000 people go missing each year, and over 2,100 women have gone missing in California alone.” Letting out a big sigh, you placed your hands on his shoulders.

“I get it, the world is full of messed up people, but I’m not about to let the possibility of something happening to me get in the way of finally spending Halloween with my best friend.” Giving him a big smile, you reached up and ruffled his hair.

“I just wish you would have told me you were coming so I could have at least known to expect you.”

“But then that would have ruined your birthday present.” Dropping your hands to your side, the two of you began walking again.

“My birthday present?” Spencer asked confused.

“Yeah, me,” You replied bumping him, drawing a laugh.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving,”

~

“So seriously, you don’t have _any_ plans tonight?” The two of you sat in a booth in the corner of Du-Pars, the fact alone made you ecstatic. When you were younger, you’d bike to the mall to kill time, then head to Du-Pars across the street. Walking inside, it looked just the same as the one back home, the dark brown wood accompanied by the deep red upholstery welcomed you.

“No, other than watching a movie.” He shrugged, popping a fry into his mouth.

“Well, not anymore. We’re going out.” Taking a bite of your own food, you racked your brain for something to do, when your eyes landed on a guy across the diner.

“Oh yeah? And where exactly are we going? I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but were two underage kids in a college town, there isn’t much to do if you can’t drink.” Spencer waited for you to laugh or give him a sarcastic reply, but it seemed your attention was elsewhere. “What is it?”

“Is that…Grant Summers?” Your voice was low as you made a small motion in the direction you were looking, causing Spencer to turn slightly to see for himself.

“Oh…yeah,” He seemed to deflate in his seat.

“Didn’t you go to high school with him?”

“I did, yes.” Spencer’s disinterest in the conversation caused you to narrow your eyes as you watched him push his food around his plate.

“What is it?” You asked, but didn’t wait for him to respond. “Was he one of the teenagers?” You didn’t need to specify, he knew what you were asking.

“He’s the one that instigated the whole thing, actually.” Spencer finally stopped messing with his food as he looked back at you. “Don’t,” He quickly grabbed your wrist just as you started to get up, drink in hand.

“That dick deserves a piece of my mind,”

“Throwing anything other than water at someone is considered assault.”

“And what he did to you wasn’t”

“Y/n, please.” Letting go of your drink, you raised your hands in defeat. “Thank you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” You questioned, taking another bite of food, your eyes still trained to the man.

“I didn’t think it mattered, we usually don’t run in the same circles,” Spencer replied only then noticing he was still holding your wrist. He let go. “He’s going to graduate soon anyway.”

“Yeah, with a bachelors,” You rolled your eyes before giving Spencer a small smile, “I’m sorry, could you remind me what you’ll be graduating with come this spring?”

“A doctorate,” He answered bashfully.

“That’s right!” You said enthusiastically, shaking your head. “I still can’t believe that. You amaze me, you know?”

“I don’t know,” Spencer turned his focus back to his dinner.

“You better hurry up and finish, we have a long night ahead of us.” You nudged him with your foot under the table, earning you a confused look. He complied anyway.

~

It took a minute to convince Spencer to go along with your plan, but he eventually gave in, dropping the contents of his bag off at his dorm before the two of you headed to the store. Not that you told him the full extent of the plan, but he’d figure it out soon. 

“You said it yourself, Spence.” The two of you made your way down the aisle, your eyes searching. “There isn’t much two underaged kids can get up to in a college town.” The sad Halloween section had been picked over, unsurprisingly, but luckily for you, there were two random masks left. Plucking them off the shelf, you tossed them in the little basket Spencer was holding. “So you might as well just go with the flow.” 

“I don’t understand why we can’t just watch a movie,” He replied, but the smile on his face betrayed him. 

“Because you need to live a little while you’re young,” Tossing a small bottle of paprika in the basket, you continued to move around the store. “Besides, we can do both, can’t we?” 

“You might have a point,” His words caused you to gasp dramatically. 

“Are you saying I’m right?!” 

“Now I didn’t say that,” 

“I don’t know,” You teased him, grabbing Nair to add to the basket. “It sounds like you think I’m right.” 

“The items you’re throwing in here are…interesting.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he looked down at the contents in his hands. “You said we were just going to mess with him a little… Nair?” Thinking for a moment, you put the Nair back on the shelf.

“Alright, if you think that’s too mean,” Looking further down the aisle, you spotted a compromise. “Though I don’t see how, all things considered.” You muttered under your breath, walking towards the hair dye. “Choose his fate,”

“Oh, I don’t…” Spencer’s mouth opened and closed as he looked at all the colors, unsure if he even wanted to play this game when his eyes landed on neon green. “I mean, is it even going to stick?” Noticing where his gaze had landed, you added it to the basket.

“It will stain his skin at least,” You shrugged. “Which isn’t that big of a deal, more of a nuisance.”

“Since when did you become so diabolical?” He shook his head, smiling down at you. The way your heart fluttered forced you to look away, _what’s gotten into you?_

“Well, ever since you went to chase your dreams, I’ve had to resort to my own devices,” You explained, heading towards the front of the store to checkout. “I don’t have a genius brain to get me out of situations, so I have to find other means to an end.” Spencer was quiet as you bought your weapons of choice.

“You are smart, you know.” He said once you left the store, opening his bag to put your new items in. “You always say you’re not, but you really are.” His words were too kind for you to accept, causing you to look up at the night sky.

“Yeah, well…” You chewed your lip, looking for something to say. “I sure do a lot of dumb things.”

“The house is this way,” Spencer spoke after a moment of silence, motioning to your right. Nodding your head, the two of you set off.

~

Slowing your pace, you could see the frat house from down the street. People were flooding the place, in all states of dress. Turning to Spencer, you grabbed the masks out of his bag, handing him one.

“It shouldn’t be too hard to slip in,” You said if only to yourself. “Are you ready, Scully?” The nickname caused his brows to furrow for a second as he narrowed his eyes.

“I’m Scully?”

“Uh…yeah? Isn’t it obvious?” You stopped your walking completely to look at him. “You’re the hot, smart one.”

“As opposed to…?”

“The hot, rebellious one.”

“Ah, I see,” He gave you a short nod as he slipped his mask over his face. The irony of your words wasn’t lost on him. “Ready when you are, Mulder.”

To your surprise, you were right, most of the people were too drunk or preoccupied to even notice the two of you. But it was much more crowded than you had expected, you were about to reach for Spencer when he beat you to it, grabbing your hand as his eyes scanned the room.

“How are we supposed to know which room is his?” He leaned down to ask.

“Wait here, I’ll find out.” You replied. Before he could protest, you had already left him by the stairs. His eyes never left you for second as he watched you make your way over to one of the frat guys, leaning up to whisper in his ear. You were only gone for a minute, quickly making your way back to him, your hand reaching for his as you pulled him up the stairs.

“What did you say to him?” Spencer asked once the two of you began walking down the hallway.

“I just told him I was supposed to meet Grant in his room, but couldn’t remember which one it was.” You told him. “Now let’s see if another girl hasn’t beaten me to it.” Slowly, you opened the door, peeking inside to find it empty. Letting out a sigh, you pulled Spencer into the room with you, closing the door before anyone noticed.

“Alright Mulder, now what?” He asked, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Removing your mask, you opened his bag, handing him the paprika.

“Sprinkle this in his underwear drawer.” Grabbing the hair dye you made your way into his bathroom.

“Seriously, who are you?” Spencer laughed but complied. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Is it really that crazy?” You asked, mixing the hair dye before adding it to Grant’s conditioner. “I mean, considering what he did to you, this is child’s play.” Making sure to put it back where you found it, you grabbed the packaging, placing it back in Spencer’s bag.

“I guess so,” He shrugged, doing the same with the paprika.

“Do you not remember what he did to you?” You bit your tongue as soon as you said it, shaking your head. “What am I saying, of course you do.” You motioned around the room. “This is harmless,” Thinking for a moment, he nodded his head.

“You’re right,” Suddenly, you noticed something in his eyes, a wave of silent anger growing in him. “What he did to me _was_ really fucked up.” His sudden change excited you, you had never heard him curse like that.

“It _was_ fucked up.” You agreed. “Makes you want to give him a taste of his own medicine, doesn’t it?”

“There is no way I’d be able to tie him to a pole.” He said seriously, causing you to laugh.

“No, not literally.” Just as quickly as his anger came, it was gone. Spencer laughed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I’m just not cut out for revenge” He sighed. “I mean, I am still upset about it, but it’s been four years…what if he’s changed?”

“Alright, we don’t have to do anything else, but you have to admit,” You moved closer to him, poking his shoulder. “The thought of him squirming in his pants is a little funny.” He let out another laugh, but before he could say anything, the door suddenly opened.

Thinking on your feet, you moved forward to straddle Spencer’s lap in one quick motion, pushing him down to lay on the bed. You began kissing his neck, causing his hands to grip your hips as he gasped in shock.

“What the fuck, guys!” Grabbing your discarded mask, you quickly put it back on, looking over to see Grant and a girl dressed as a cat in the doorway.

“Whoops, wrong room.” You laughed, grabbing Spencer’s hand and his bag, pulling both of them out of the room before Grant could say anything else.

Making your way through the crowded house, you tried to will your face to stop burning. _What had you just done?_ It was because you didn’t want to get caught, now he just thinks you were too random people trying to get lucky in his room, instead of what you really were. _Right?_ Your eyes landed on something as you were headed out the front door, quickly snatching it and shoving it in the bag, you finally made it back out into the night. It was only when you reached the front lawn that you noticed you were still holding onto Spencer.

“Sorry,” You said, not specifying which part you were sorry for as you let go of his hand.

“It’s ok,” His voice cracked as he raked his hand through his hair, you were pretty sure his face was red under his mask. But before you could teas him for it, you noticed the license plate on the car you were standing by said _“Summers”_ on it, giving you an idea.

“I’m sorry for this too,” You added, handing him his bag as you pulled out your pocket knife, making quick work to slash his tires.

“You should only slash three of them, their insurance won't cover the cost if there are only three slashed tires.” Spencer pointed out, surprising you.

“Good thinking, Scully!” You replied, following his orders.

“Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!” A voice called out from the direction of the house.

“We’ve got to get out of here!” Grabbing Spencer’s arm, you began running down the street before hiding behind a tall bush.

“Since when do you carry a knife?” He laughed as the both of you struggled to catch your breath, ducking closer to the ground when you saw headlights heading your way.

“A girl has to be prepared,” You whispered as the lights began to move away. “Speaking of prepared,” Putting your knife back in your pocket, you opened his bag to reveal the bottle of rum you snagged from the house. “I’ve just made the rest of our night much more interesting.” Giving him a smile, you stood, holding out your hand to hoist him up. “What would you say to some slushies, snacks, and a movie?”

“Do I get to pick the movie?” He asked.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” You answered as the two of you began walking.

~

As promised, the two of you grabbed snacks and slushies, which you later mixed the rum into. Spencer was apprehensive about the rum at first, but watching you relax, he decided there wasn’t much harm to drinking a little bit. Stating that most people start drinking well before they turn twenty-one.

Changing into your pajamas, you crawled into bed beside him. You were surprised when you saw he had his own room, and even more so when you saw his tv. It was an old black and white tv, but it was somehow so fitting.

You felt like a kid again, laying next to him, apart from the additive in your drink. You were surprised when he put on Beetlejuice, knowing his taste in films could be a bit more underground. A silence fell over the two of you, but as time passed, you could tell something was on his mind. But before you could ask, he spoke.

“It’s interesting that you dubbed Scully the smart one as if Mulder isn’t highly educated too.” He pointed out.

“I mean, I guess so, but Scully’s definitely the smarter out of the two. She’s got a doctorate and-” You didn’t get to finish your train of thought. 

“Are you going to tell me where those bruises around your neck came from?” Spencer interrupted you, looking over to see the shocked look on your face. “You’ve been trying to hide it, but…” He paused, swallowing. “You’d tell me if you were in trouble, right?”

“Spence…” You shut your eyes. “It’s…complicated.”

“How so?”

“Scott didn’t mean to hurt me, it was an accident.” You sighed, taking a long drink as you tried to focus on the movie.

“Is that what those other faded bruises are? Accidents?” His tone was even, but you could feel the emotions boiling in him. “I thought you told me you broke up with Scott.”

“Like I said, it’s complicated.” Not wanting to talk about it, you turned the conversation onto him. “What about you, have you been seeing any girls?…Guys?” He held your gaze for a moment before letting it go.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this but most people on this campus are eighteen or older,” He pointed out. “Not a lot of options for me.”

“I guess it’s better that way, huh?” Placing your now empty cup on the floor, you moved further under the sheets. “No distractions.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He said but didn’t sound convinced.

“Don’t worry, once you get a little older, I bet you’ll have plenty of options.”

“You know, it’s funny.”

“What is?”

“I used to be so ahead of everyone, but now I’m starting to feel like they’re surpassing me in life,” Spencer noted, placing his own drink on his nightstand.

“But you’re still ahead of everyone.” You said, missing the point.

“In school, yeah. But in life? You’re miles ahead of me.” Taking his hand into yours, you squeezed it slightly.

“You’ll get there one day, we all go at different paces.” You tried to sound reassuring, but the thought of him being close to someone else made your stomach turn. Ignoring this new feeling, you moved to rest your head against his shoulder. Sometime after that and the Banana Boat scene, you dozed off.

~

The next day, Spencer walked you to the station and waited with you until your bus arrived. Handing you your bag and a new book he insisted on you reading, he pulled you in for a tight hug, and you couldn’t help but feel like it was the end of something. Your childhood? Your close friendship? Life as you knew it? It was unclear, but even so, it felt final. And as you let go of him, you couldn’t ignore the feeling growing inside you. You were already missing him.


	4. the sirens go all night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it been a hot minute? Yes, but here is the next chapter! If you've never been to a showing of Rocky Horror, I'm sorry if it's confusing. If you're wondering why they aren't together yet, then man I don't know what to tell you, they are dumb? They live different lives? They have been friends for so long, neither of them knows how to cross that line? Listen, if you're not here for stupid people secretly pinning after each other, then why are you here at all?

Nervously, Spencer wiped his hands against his pants in hopes to rid them of their clamminess. It was 10:30 pm on October 31st, 2003 and he found himself standing outside your apartment, working up the courage to knock on your door. After you came to visit him in college, the two of you began to drift apart for no reason in particular. In the time between then and now, you had finished up high school and went off to university, while he got two more doctorates, not to mention two bachelors.

However, every so often Spencer would receive a letter from you. They were usually long and included apologies for not replying to his previous letter sooner, as well as any address changes. At first, Spencer assumed the two of you were just growing apart and as much as he hated the idea, there wasn’t a lot he could do about it. But when he realized he had half of Halloween off, as well as the following weekend, an overwhelming urge to see you came over him, and before he knew it, he was standing at your door.

He hadn’t had the chance to find a Halloween costume, but he figured it was a long shot you’d even be home. Raising his hand, he took a deep breath and knocked. Before the door opened he could hear yelling, an argument that was growing closer until a man answered mid-conversation, pausing to look Spencer up and down.

“Hey, Annie! Some guy dressed as a nerd is here for you!” The man called over his shoulder before retreating back into the apartment, leaving the door open. Spencer almost turned around and left, figuring you had moved out since your last letter when he heard your voice.

“I can’t believe you, Ethan!” Popping out of what he assumed was your room, you grabbed a bag on the counter before disappearing again. “You knew this was the plan all along, what’s gotten into you?”

Stepping into the apartment, Spencer closed the door, taking in his surroundings as he placed his duffle bag on the couch. It was small but decently sized, and though it was a little messy, the whole apartment smelt like autumn. Random Halloween decorations littered the space, making it feel homey. And if he wasn’t sure it was your apartment at first, the music coming from the record player, not to mention the records on your shelf, was a dead giveaway.

“Um, hello?” A third voice joined the ruckus, but it was far calmer causing Spencer to turn around once he realized the greeting was addressed to him. A petite woman with dark, wild hair dressed as the most adorable bumblebee he had ever seen stood a few feet from him, a look of confusion on her face.

“Oh, sorry. I’m Spencer Reid, I’m an old friend of y/n’s.” He tried to clarify, giving her a small wave. “Hi,”

“ _The_ Spencer Reid?!” Her face changed from confusion to recognition as she returned his wave with one of her own. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” She said with a laugh. “I’m Annie, y/n’s roommate.”

“You’re working on your masters, right?” He asked as she nodded. Annie moved to stop the record-player, the mix of music, fighting, and polite conversation was beginning to get too loud. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone dressed as a bumblebee before, I like it.” Spencer kept talking, awkwardly shoving his hands in his pockets. “Bumblebees are actually really interesting insects. For instance, female bumblebees can and will sting when threatened. Unlike honeybees, bumblebees can sting multiple times, because the stinger is smooth and doesn’t come away when used.”

“Wow, I had no idea.” Annie smiled as she placed the record back in its sleeve, slotting it on the shelf. “Did you know, the queen can control the sex of the eggs that she lays?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she can choose to lay-” Just as she was about to explain the process, her phone buzzed, drawing her attention. “I’m sorry, my ride is almost here.” Before either one of them could talk, the fighting spilled out of your room, oblivious to anyone else in the apartment.

“I told you, I’m not going to that gay shit. My idea of a good night does not involve hanging out with a bunch of freaks!” Ethan shouted before they disappeared into the kitchen.

“How long has that been going on?” Spencer asked.

“A few months,” She replied, grabbing her purse. “He’s not the worst one, but he’s certainly not the best. I was worried I’d have to intervene, but after what he just said, I don’t think he’s going to last another minute.” Giving him another smile, Annie began to make her way towards the door. “I’m sorry to have to leave you in the middle of this,” She said, gesturing to the kitchen. “But it was really nice to meet you.”

“It was nice meeting you too,” Spencer returned her smile as she slipped out the door. He was about to sit down on the couch when you bursted out of the kitchen.

“No, I mean it! Get the fuck out of my apartment!” You stormed over to the front door, swinging it open.

“Y/n, baby,” Ethan tried but was immediately shot down.

“No, clearly we don’t have the same views,” You said firmly. “So get the fuck out before I-”

“Before you what?” Ethan’s demeanor suddenly changed as he puffed out his chest and started to move closer to you. “Don’t forget, I’ve-”

“You’ve what?” Spencer spoke suddenly. “Please, finish your sentence.” He began walking over to you until he fully stood between you and Ethan.

“Listen, man, I don’t know who the hell you are but this is-”

“That’s funny because I also don’t know who the hell _you_ are,” Spencer’s words poked holes in Ethan’s ego as he towered over the man. “Now, do as she asked and get the fuck out of her apartment.” He demanded, taking a step closer to Ethan causing the man to comply.

“Whatever, you’re not worth it.” He said through gritted teeth as he left.

~

Hearing Spencer’s voice was shocking, to say the least, you were so caught up in the argument you were having with your boyfriend, _well_ ex-boyfriend, you had no idea he was here. Seeing him in your living room made your heart jump, it had been years since you’d seen him last, and while he looked mature back then, he was even more so now. Then suddenly he was standing in front of you, blocking you from Ethan. You felt like you could breathe again.

“Spencer?” Your voice was unsure as you reached out to touch him. “When did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago,” He shut the door before turning to you.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I must seem like such a mess.” You laughed, raking your hand through your hair. “You should have told me you were coming.”

“I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.” Spencer gave you a small smile, causing you to crash into him, hugging him as tightly as you could.

“I’ve missed you,” You admitted, shutting your eyes when you felt his arms wrap around you.

“I’ve missed you too,” He laughed before pulling away. “And you’re not a mess, it wouldn’t be a Halloween without _something_ happening,” Spencer noted as he looked down at what you were wearing, blushing when he realized you were practically wearing lingerie, his eyes snapping back up to your face. “So where do the freaks hang out, exactly?”

“Why, at The Rocky Horror Picture Show, of course.” You laughed when you noticed the tinge of red on his cheeks. “Would you…um, would _you_ be interested in going with me?” You asked. “Ethan was supposed to go, but I guess he decided now was the time to reveal that he a homophobic asshole.” You tried to smile, but a sigh escaped you insteps as you shook your head. “I can’t believe I let him see me naked,” Turning, you made your way back to your room to finish putting on your makeup.

“Going to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror _is_ on my bucket list,” Spencer said, following you. “But I’m worried I’m a bit…overdressed.” He pointed out, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“I might be able to fix that,” Finishing with the mirror, you spun around to look at him. Spencer was wearing a white button-up, a dark blue sweater vest, with a purple tie and black slacks, his hair was a lot shorter than you were used to. “Did you come all the way down here from work?” You asked as you walked over to him. “Last I heard you were training to be a G-Man,” Ruffling his hair, you moved to open the trunk at the end of your bed.

“Actually, yeah.” He said as if he didn’t realize, looking down at his clothes. “I think I’d stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Well, I do have these fake glasses.” You said, pulling out a pair of plain black glasses. “And if we just take this off,” Standing, you loosened Spencers tie before pulling it over his head, placing the glasses on his face. “I think you could get away with trying to look like Brad Majors,” You didn’t miss the way he stilled when you took his tie off, swallowing when you fixed his shirt collar.

“Isn’t Brad the asshole?” He asked, his brows furrowed.

“He is indeed,” You smiled, remembering the time you snuck over to his house when you were kids to watch the midnight showing on tv. The two of you were far too young, but the memory still brought fond feelings. “Would you rather be the slut?”

“Theoretically? Yeah, there is nothing wrong with being a slut. But as far as costumes go, I guess this will have to do.” Giving him smile, you ruffled his hair again.

“Then let’s go, lover boy.”

~

The line was long, but you arrived right before most people, getting a decent spot. Once you arrived, you took off the coat you put on for the walk over, smiling when you caught Spencer trying to look anywhere but at you. Which wasn’t any better since most people in line were also scantly clad.

“When we get up to the doors and they check our tickets, they are going to ask if you’re a virgin, say yes.” You told Spencer, earning a confused look.

“Why do they want to know-”

“Not sexually, a virgin as in you’ve never been to a real midnight showing.” You clarified.

“Oh!” He shook his head as he laughed, but before he could say anything else, the line began to move. In moments, you were at the door and they asked him the question, his face scrunching up when they drew a V on his forehead with red lipstick.

“Come on!” You laughed, grabbing his hand as you dragged him down the aisle, finding a good seat.

“You could have warned me they were going to do that.” Spencer moped as he sat down.

“But then you wouldn’t have told them the truth,” You pointed out, setting your jacket down on the chair next to him. I’m going to get us a couple of drinks.” You were gone for a few minutes, grabbing drinks as well as buying a props bag, which you handed Spencer when you got back, sitting down.

“What’s this?” He asked, clearly over the virgin situation.

“Props for the show, toilet paper, cards, a plastic glove,…” You trailed off, taking a sip of your drink as you looked around at the plethora of characters packing the old theater. “You’re supposed to use them along with the movie, you’ll see.”

“Oh yeah, and they shout things out too, right?” He moved to take a sip of his drink, blinking a few times once it touched his tongue. “I didn’t realize you meant alcoholic.” Spencer laughed as he took another sip.

“It makes the experience more enjoyable, loosens you up a bit, which I figured you needed.” You teased him, nudging his shoulder. He opened his mouth to defend himself, but the actors began to demand your attention. The show was about to start.

~

“I’m so sorry!” You laughed, leaning against Spencer as the two of you walked down the dimly lit sidewalk. “I had no idea she was going to try and kiss you!” The actors were having fun tonight, maybe it was because it was Halloween, but they were far more interactive with the crowd than usual. Not one, but two of the female actors, as well as one male actor, decided to sit on Spencer’s lap.

“It’s fine, really,” He laughed with you, shivering slightly as the wind picked up. “Thanks for taking the bullet for me,” Spencer commented, in reference to you kissing the actress when he declined.

“No need to thank me, it was all my pleasure.” Stumbling slightly, you held on even tighter to Spencer. He had only had one drink, whereas you bought two more. Needless to say, you were a little tipsy. “You should have gotten their numbers,”

“I’m sure they were just doing their job, not actually interested in me.”

“Oh I don’t know about that, you make an attractive Brad Majors.” You giggled, stopping once you spotted the 24-hour diner. “Can we get something to eat? I’m starving,”

“Me too,”

In minutes, you were sitting in a booth, nose deep in a menu. A feeling of nostalgia masqueraded as deja vu washed over you when you looked up to see Spencer sitting across from you. Though neither of you had ever been out this late together. He looked tired, his dark circles were even darker, the soft texture of his hair contrasted with his jutting cheekbones.

It was hard to imagine the boy you new as an FBI agent because you could still see him, the youthful look in his eyes was still there. You wondered how long it would take before it was completely gone, before the job made him cold. He could do anything he wanted, it was something you always found yourself jealous of, but being an FBI agent was never something you thought he’d choose.

“What is it?” Spencer asked, looking up from the menu to catch you staring.

“What?” You spoke, shaking your head as you pushed your menu to the side. “Sorry, just thinking.” Placing his menu on top of yours, he licked his lips as he leaned back.

“About Ethan?”

“No,” You huffed, you had completely forgotten about the fight. “He isn’t worth my time.”

“No, he isn’t,” Spencer affirmed, his eyes falling to the bruising around your wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me about him?”

“It’s not your problem,” Shaking your head, you dropped your hands from the table to your lap.

“What are you talking about?” Spencer asked just as the waitress came to take your order. “Your problems _are_ my problems.” He clarified once the waitress left.

“Spence, we're not kids anymore, I can’t just run to you when the slightest thing happens.” You said, crossing your arms. “We don’t live next to each other anymore, we have jobs and lives and goals were trying to achieve. My inability to pick good men isn’t your problem.”

“It is when they hurt you,”

“Spencer,”

“I’m serious,” He leaned forward. “You can tell me anything,” Sighing, you swallowed, dropping your arms.

“I’ve been trying…I…” Resting your head in your hands, you groaned. “I really thought Ethan was different, I really tried to break this cycle, but it turns out he was just lying.” You admitted. “I’m a fool predestined to date men who give me false promises.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Spencer tried to assure you.

“It is though,”

“No, it really isn’t.”

“Well,” You bit the inside of your cheek as you watched the waitress walk towards you with the food. “It sure feels like it is.”

~

Stumbling into your apartment, you kicked off your shoes before locking the door, ushering Spencer into your room. Turning on your bedside lamp, you slipped off to the bathroom to take off your makeup, brush your teeth, and change your clothes. Returning to find Spencer making a makeshift bed on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Your voice startled him.

“M-making a bed…to sleep,” He was in cartoon pajama bottoms and a white undershirt.

“Just share the bed with me, there is plenty of room,” You shrugged, moving to get under the covers. “It’s not like we haven’t done it before,” If it wasn’t so dark, you would have noticed the hint of red on his face, but you didn’t.

“Ok,” Spencer moved to grab a small bag out of his duffle bag. He was only in the bathroom for a few minutes, but when he came back you had turned off the light and laid down. Worried you were asleep, he tiptoed around the room, slowly slipping in next to you.

“I can’t believe you’re going to be a G-Man, with a gun and everything.” You spoke.

“That’s if I’m able to pass the qualifications course,” Spencer noted, adjusting his limbs to get more comfortable.

“Dr. Spencer Reid, license to kill.” You joked as you turned to look at him, his face illuminated by the moonlight seeping through the cracks in your curtains. “I’d have never guessed,” Before you could say more, the distant sounds of an ambulance growing closer suddenly filled the room, causing Spencer to jump. “The perks of living by the hospital, the sirens go all night.” You said sarcastically. “Ethan used to joke that if they woke him up, someone better be dying…Not very nice now that I think about it.” Shaking your head, you turned your focus back to Spencer. “What are _you_ thinking about?”

“You put stars on your ceiling,” Spencer raised his hand to point at the glowing stickers. “They look almost like the ones I had as a kid.”

“Yeah, they remind me of you,” You admitted, shifting your gaze to the ceiling. A yawn escaped you as you rolled on your side, facing away from him. “Goodnight, Spence.”

“Goodnight, y/n.” He replied, with a smile he couldn’t quite shake.

~

He wasn’t sure what woke him up first, the light or you moving, but Spencer found himself slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. His arms wrapped tighter around whatever it was he was holding, causing a content sigh to grace his ears. Blinking slowly, he opened his eyes, his mind a bit slow at comprehending who exactly he was holding. His body stiffening once he realized it was you, fast asleep in his arms like you belonged there.

A part of him felt guilty for enjoying the feeling of laying beside you, knowing you probably didn’t share his feelings. Why would you, he was just a friend, one you never even saw on top of that. He came to the realization that nothing would ever happen between you a long time ago, but waking up with you in his arms was more than he’d ever thought he’d get. With a sigh, he slowly peeled himself from you, slipping out of the room before you awoke.

“Fun night?” Annie asked as Spencer trudged into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, missing the suggestive look she gave him.

“Yeah, the show was good.” He answered earnestly, leaning against the counter. “How was your night?”

“Can’t complain.” She smiled as she began to pour herself a cup of coffee. “Want some?”

“Yes, please.”

“So are you guys…like, a thing now?” Annie asked, filling up another mug before stepping aside so he could put what he wanted into it.

“What? No,” His voice rose slightly, the back of his neck turning red. “Why?”

“But you definitely want to be a thing.” She stated, taking a sip of her coffee, smirking as he began to get flustered.

“No, no. Y/n and I are just friends.” Spencer tried to say calmly.

“Don’t worry, your secrets safe with me,” Annie said before slipping off to her room.

Confused as to what had just happened, Spencer took a swig of his coffee, figuring it was better to not dwell on it. Opening the fridge, he found enough food to put breakfast together and started working, figuring you would want to eat when you woke up. But his attempts to push what Annie had said aside were starting to fail and he moved around the kitchen. Was he that obvious?


	5. there’s a last time for everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I wrote 1,000 words for this chapter before scrapping it and going a different route, I went back and forth between whether or not I wanted to do one thing or the other. Do I know Spencer only has one bedroom? Why, yes I do. I can't get my head around the layout, but for the sake of this fic, he has two bedrooms. Do I know who's point of view I'm writing in half the time? No, so let's just flow in and out of it. There should only be one more chapter after this, if you've read this note, thank you so much for being here. This fic is loosely based off of Halloween by Phoebe Bridgers, ...so if you want to check that out and get the vibe this late in the game. Alright, I'm tired, I haven't slept in 24 hours

You could almost laugh, whether it was at yourself or circumstances, you weren’t sure, but you tried hard to stifle the amusement as you sat on the bus. Even if it felt like you’d hit rock bottom, you didn’t want to become the crazy lady that laughs to herself on the bus at 2 am. It didn’t help that you were already getting strange looks from the few people around you. It seemed like black eyes, cut lips, and bruises weren’t in this year.

That was one of the reasons why you wanted to laugh, for five months Brian had really convinced you he was one of the good ones. When your cat died, he was there. When you lost your job, he let you move in. When you were feeling down, he’d cheer you up. He never raised his voice or got angry. From where you were standing, he seemed like a nice, sweet caring guy. Until he got stressed a few weeks ago and got a little rough with you, you brushed it off. It was a fluke, a mistake, you barely even bruised.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the heat began rising. His anger and frustration started to grow until it went too far. He had been drinking, something he used to never do, and you were quick to find it was because when he drank he got mean. When he punched you, you knew you had to get out. Waiting for him to fall asleep, you grabbed everything you could fit in your bag and left to catch the first bus out of town.

At first, you didn’t realize where you were going. Subconsciously you must have known where you wanted to go because before you knew it you were in Virginia. It had been another handful of years since you’d seen Spencer, but you had gotten better at writing him back and he finally broke down and got a phone. You assumed the only reason he got it was for his job, but now you were finally able to call him from time to time. Something you realized you probably should have done before showing up outside his apartment so late at night… _or early in the morning_.

Staring at the door, you took a deep breath before knocking. The sudden worry that he might not be home washed over you, _he did say he traveled a lot for work_. A slight panic set in when you knocked for a second time. Crouching down, you were about to lift up his welcome mat when he opened the door.

“…Y/n?” Spencer’s voice was thick with sleep as he rubbed his eyes. His hair was sticking out all over the place as he stood there in his boxers and a t-shirt. As soon as you stood back up, his eyes widened. “Oh my god, what happened to you?”

“I k-know you said it wasn’t sa-safe to travel alone, b-but I didn’t know where else to go,” You stuttered. Without another word, Spencer ushered you inside. His attention pulled away from you for a second as he locked the door, but it quickly came back, his hand coming up to inspect your face.

“Here,” Spencer moved you to sit on his couch as he went to grab something. His apartment looked exactly like how you’d always imagined it would. Dark furniture surrounded by books upon books, a fancy chess set, and other nerdy antiques decorated the room. It felt so cozy and warm and you suddenly realized just how tired you were. Coming back with a first aid kit and a wet rag, Spencer sat beside you. “Are you going to tell me what happened?” He asked softly, cupping one side of your face to hold you steady as he gently wiped the cut on your lip, and another cut you didn’t know you had on your cheek.

“He seemed so…normal,” You sighed. “I seriously mean it this time, he was so nice and caring. But looking back on it now, maybe I’m just color blind.”

“What do you mean?” He questioned, letting go of you as he set the rag down to grab the kit.

“The red flags, how he was all too eager to take me in when I lost my job, or how he said he didn’t like my friends…Fuck, I haven’t spoken to Annie in three months.” You shook your head causing Spencer to hold your face again so he could dress the cuts. “I’m sorry,”

“It’s ok,”

“No, I mean I’m sorry for showing up here unannounced, waking you up. It’s inconsiderate, you probably have work tomorrow and now you’re going to be groggy. I’m sorry I keep making the same stupid mistakes. I’m sorry I turned out to be such a fuck up.” Tears threatened to fall as you took in a shaky breath. Dropping his hands, he sat up straighter.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad you left, I don’t care if you woke me up, I’m _glad_ you woke me up.” He said, making sure you looked him in the eyes. “You’re not a fuck up, this isn’t stupid. One in three women have experienced some form of physical abuse by an intimate partner. And in a year, it’s estimated that more than ten million women and men are abused by their partners.” Spencer pointed out. “This is not your fault, you are not to blame.” Nodding your head, you averted your gaze as you sniffled, wanting so badly to believe him. Lifting his hand again, he moved your head to examine the bruises on your neck. His soft fingers lightly trailed over it as if his touch could heal, sending a shiver down your spine. “Are you cut anywhere else?”

“N-no, I don’t think so.” You replied, watching him stand as he went to put the kit away. “I’d understand if you don’t want me to, but can I sleep with you tonight?… I don’t want to be alone.” Coming back into the room, he gave you a soft smile.

“Of course you can,”

~

Spencer got into bed while you changed in the bathroom, a million thoughts running through his mind. But before he could choose one to focus on, you slipped into bed next to him, wasting no time clinging to his side. It was in that moment he wished he still had stars on his ceiling as he laid there waiting for your heartbeat to slow, but the moment it did, he could feel you shaking. At first, he didn’t understand why, lifting the blankets a little higher, but then he felt your tears falling against his chest and if his heart wasn’t broken before, it was now. Apprehensively, he began to stroke your hair. In moments, your crying subsided.

Though he only slept for a few hours, he hadn’t slept that well in a long time. Ever since he joined the BAU, he’d been having trouble sleeping, but with you beside him, he didn’t have a single nightmare. It was too bad it couldn’t always be this way, seeing your face illuminated by the morning light reminded him of why you were there in the first place, the fact hitting his stomach like a rock. He never understood how anyone could hurt someone they loved. _Maybe they didn’t love them in the first place_.

Reluctantly, he rolled out of bed to get ready for work. Leaving you a note on the bedside table, he slipped out and hoped that today would be full of boring paperwork. Much to his surprise and his coworker's dismay, it was. The stack of files on his desk never looked better. It only took Derek two hours to grow bored of the mundane task, rolling his chair over to Spencer. 

“So, who kept you up last night?” Derek gave him a cheeky smile.

“Wh-what are you talking about?” He tried to act neutral, but as soon as his hand rose to scratch the back of his neck, Spencer knew he’d get called out.

“Don’t play that with me, come on man. You show up five minutes late, with your tie even more crooked than usual, and you look way too happy filling out these forms.” Derek nudged his shoulder. “Who is she?” Letting go of his pen, Spencer sighed.

“ _She_ is a childhood friend that needed a place to stay last night,” He answered honestly.

“A childhood friend, huh? That’s it?” Laughing lightly, Derek shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s it. We’ve been best friends since we were five, and she’s going through something personal right now, so…” Spencer trailed off, hoping that was enough to satisfy him,

“And how long have you been in love with her?” He asked, causing Spencer to stand, quickly making his way to the kitchen. “Oh, kid. _That_ long?” Derek followed him.

“Of course, I love her. She’s my friend,” Spencer stated as he began making coffee. “Just like you’re my friend and I love you.”

“Naw, this is different.” Derek kept poking, earning him a pointed look. “Alright, alright,” He backed down. “If you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine,” Derek reached over to fix Spencer’s tie before moving to leave. “But when you are, you know where to find me.”

~

By the time you woke up, it was just past noon. It took you a few minutes to remember where you were as you rolled over, shoving your face in the pillows, wincing at the pain. Everything that had happened came rushing back to you and the only solace you found was Spencer; his sheets smelled like him, like home, his bedroom was snug, and you felt safer than you had in years. Opening your eyes again, you noticed a piece of paper left on the nightstand.

_I had to go to work, help yourself to the food in the fridge, and anything else. I’ll be back around five, but I’ll call if that changes. I’m hoping you’ll still be there when I get home. - Spencer_

With a smile, you placed the letter back on the table as you stretched your limbs. Groaning, you slipped out of bed to grab a new change of clothes before heading into the bathroom to take a shower. Not having any products of your own, you had to use his, not that you were complaining. You shouldn’t have been surprised by how nice his apartment was, the shower pressure was luxurious, Spencer _had_ always been particular.

You weren’t entirely sure what you were going to do while he was gone, but you figured eating was a good place to start. Making your way into the kitchen, you began to do just that. But in the quiet atmosphere of the apartment, you found it increasingly difficult to put your thoughts to rest. Though Brian was polluting your mind, it wasn’t just him you were thinking about. There were so many things you needed to do, you were currently homeless, jobless, and in need of rekindling your friendships.

Though you knew Annie would understand, you still needed to make up for falling off the face of the earth, and you needed to work on your decade-old feelings for Spencer. He was the one good constant you had managed to hang onto, his friendship meant more to you than anything, and if that meant you’d have to work on killing the childish crush you had on him, then you’d do it. _Somehow_.

Well, you weren’t sure you could get rid of feelings that have lasted longer than any relationship you’d ever been in. But you could definitely work on not letting your heart cloud your judgment. Having a crush on Spencer was pointless anyway, you had come to that conclusion a long time ago. He was a genius who was now saving people for his day job, and you were a mess. Deciding that working on Annie first would be an easier task, you called her.

~

It was clear you hadn’t heard him come home, music turned up loud enough to drown out the sound of the door, Spencer was also home earlier than expected. And if he was being honest, he was glad you hadn’t noticed him yet, as you danced around without a care in the world, a broom in hand. Crazy Little Thing Called Love was just finishing up, leading into Somebody To Love; he should have known you’d find his record of Queens greatest hits.

Just as the opening lyrics flowed through the speaker, you sang along, putting on a performance that seemed a little too rehearsed to have been made up on the spot. Setting down his bag and kicking off his shoes, Spencer walked further into his apartment, waiting for you to notice his presence. Just as you reached the second verse, you turned to find him watching you, causing you to yelp. 

“Don’t stop because of me,” Spencer laughed as you clutched your chest, Freddie carrying on without you.

“You almost gave me a heart attack,” You exaggerated, moving to turn down the music. “How was work? You’re home early,” You noted, glancing over at the clock on his wall.

“Yeah, good, it was a light workday, so I clocked out a little earlier than normal,” Spencer explained. “What’s with the broom?”

“Oh, well,” Shrugging, you propped the broom against a wall. “I figured I might as well be useful while I’m here, so I cleaned up a bit.” You sighed as you plopped down on the couch.

“About that,” Spencer licked his lips as he sat at the other end, his words instantly making you nervous as you prepared for him to tell you you needed to leave. He had every right to kick you out, you _had_ overstayed your welcome. Hell, you weren’t even welcomed in the first place. “Do you want to move into my spare bedroom?”

“I’m sorry I kn-…wait, what?” His question caught you by surprise.

“Do you want to move into my spare bedroom?” Spencer repeated, an amused look on his face. “I wouldn’t make you split the rent, I know you don’t have a job right now, but it would be nice to have someone around.” He admitted, looking away. “Besides, I’m gone a lot of the time, somebody might as well get use out of the place.”

“That’s…Are you sure?” You tried, and failed, at hiding the excitement in your voice. “I mean, I’d love to!” Squealing, you awkwardly lunged at him, hugging his stiff frame.

“Great, then it’s settled.” He relaxed a bit, hugging you back. “Dinner?”

“Starving,”

~

The days had crept by slowly as you adjusted to your new, new life. Spencer and his friend Derek helped you get the rest of your stuff from Brian, who once he saw Derek, didn’t make much of a fuss. You couldn’t thank them enough for helping you, truly at a loss for what you would have done without them.

Derek was sweet and charming, and it seemed he loved teasing Spencer just as much as you did. It only took seconds for the two of you to get along. And it warmed your heart to see Spencer interacting with someone like that, even if he was his coworker, it was clear that their friendship was special. It would only be a matter of time till you met the rest of his coworkers, apparently, they were all too eager to meet Spencer’s secret childhood friend, but if they were anything like Derek, you couldn’t wait.

“So…You and Derek?” You asked, nudging Spencer who was sitting next to you on the couch. It was Halloween again and though you had only been there a week, the apartment was already starting to feel like home. Spencer was surprised when you didn’t try and drag him out for the night, instead, you’d bought one too many bags of candy “ _for the kids in the apartment complex_ ”.

“What about it?” He halfheartedly questioned you back, his gaze glued to the horror movie you had picked.

“…Just friends, or?” Your words earned Spencer’s eyes snapping towards you.

“Yes! Just friends,” He said a little too forced, causing you to laugh. “I mean it, he doesn’t…and besides, he’s like a brother to me.” Spencer seemed desperate to convince you.

“Ok, ok. I believe you,” Ruffling his hair, you gave him an easy smile. “Do you have any Halloween resolutions?” Deciding to trust you, Spencer turned to look back at the tv.

“What do you mean, Halloween resolutions?”

“I’ve decided New Years' resolutions are boring, it’s now Halloween resolutions. Let the past mistakes die and new habits become undead.” You laughed at the silliness of your words, drawing a laugh from the boy genius as well as his eyes drifted to find yours once again. A flash of something you didn’t recognize graced his features, it was calm and warm and it seemed to fill him entirely.

“I’m not sure I have any?” He sighed, blinking as if to remind himself not to stare too long. “What about you?”

“Easy, I’m swearing off men for a year.” You stated as if commanding it into existence was enough to make it stick.

“Is that so?” Spencer tried to sound amused.

“It is,” You nodded your head, standing when you heard the doorbell. “I’ve gone through a decade worth of toxic men, there’s a last time for everything, Spence. Just you wait and see, I’m going to do it.”

“I believe you,” He mimicked the words you had spoken only moments ago, watching as you handed candy out to a cowboy and a fairy. It was going to be one hell of a year.


	6. for love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this not the last chapter, I decided to write a mini-chapter before the last one because... I felt like it...so here it is. Thank you for all the love I've received, it means a lot to me <3

“You know, you owe me?” The statement came out of nowhere one night while you cradled Spencer’s head in your lap, massaging his temples. He had been gone for a week and when he finally came home, he looked worse off than usual. It was a bad case, you didn’t have to ask at this point to know. Some nights, Spencer would tell you every gruesome detail, but other times, like tonight, he kept it all to himself. And as much as it saddened you to hear how horrible the world could be, it hurt to know he was keeping it all locked inside of him.

“And how did you figure that?” Spencer scoffed but didn’t make a move to get up, too content where he was.

It didn’t take the two of you too long to find a rhythm, though living with each other was a big step, for the most part, it was the easiest thing you had ever done. Spencer had insisted that you made the space your own, adding to his “dark academic” ascetic, but you didn’t want to change a thing. However, slowly but surely, your stuff started to creep from your room into the common area. A few blankets, candles, and records, to name a few things. Spencer was currently wrapped up in one of the dark, purple blankets you added to the couch, the only thing visible was his head, sighing when you moved from his temples to his hair, massaging his scalp.

“You’re the one with the elephant memory, I’m surprised you don’t know what I’m talking about.” You couldn’t help but smile down at him. It was something you remembered just the other day, you had said it so long ago, it was just a faint memory to you. A part of you was worried it might have just been a dream, but you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tease him for losing a bet. “I mean, the bet _was_ your idea.” His eyes shot open as he looked up at you, brows furrowed.

“Are you talking about…when we were kids?” Nodding your head, he moved to sit up as he searched his mind for the moment you were referencing. “ _“I don’t know about that. Prodigy or not, I’ve got a feeling about you, Spencer Reid. You’re definitely going to change the world.”- “Do you want to bet on it?” - “Yeah, I’ll bet on it.”_ ” He recited verbatim, causing you to roll your eyes, it was unfair. “Is that what you’re talking about?”

“Yes!” Laughing, you shoved his shoulder as if it wasn’t obvious. “I think you owe me a Slurpee, Dr. Spencer Reid, Special Agent in the BAU,” You said pointedly. “…Saves lives for a living…Changing the world case by case. Do I need to go on?”

“You do realize the closest 7-11 is 43 minutes away from here.” He replied

“A bet is a bet, it’s not my fault you challenged me to it.” You retorted, mocking what he had said to you over a decade ago. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, the first you’d seen since he’d been back. “Come on Clark Kent, I’ll drive.”

~

After spending ten minutes convincing Spencer to leave the house in his casual clothes, the two of you began to make your small trek into the night. It was silent at first, save the CD you had stuck into the player before you left, it was one you found among Spencer’s collection when you first moved in. Most all of them were either from you or recommended by you, and this CD was no exception. Fashion Nugget by Cake, it was one you sent him the year after you visited him and it was just long enough for the drive.

“I didn’t save anyone this time…” Spencer finally spoke, causing you to turn down the music. His head rested against the window as if he was too tired to hold it up himself and for a moment you worried distracting him with a mini road trip was a bad idea.

“Spence-” You started in an attempt to reassure him.

“But thank you for believing in me,” Spencer interrupted, turning his gaze to you. “Even back then.” Furrowing your brows, you kept your eyes on the road despite your burning desire to look at him.

“What do you mean?” You asked, confused. “We all believed in you, we knew you’d go on to do something worth wild.”

“No, you…you didn’t believe in me like they did.” He shook his head. “They only saw me for what my mind was capable of, you…” Spencer laughed as he looked down. “I remember the first time I beat you at Chess, you thought I was magic. You really thought I could do absolutely anything.” The memory was so far from you, but it was there, fuzzy and warm. You laughed with him, recalling how astonished you were.

“That is till I fell from that tree and you couldn’t fix my arm.” You pointed out.

“You _were_ pretty disappointed,” He agreed. “But even after that, you never stopped seeing me for who I was and who I could be.” Spencer paused for a moment, shifting in his seat. “I don’t know…this case, it just made me realize I owe you a lot more than a Slurpee.” He stated, fidgeting with his hands. “It was a kid, it’s always the kids that are the hardest…on everyone, and I feel like I don’t even know the half of it because I don’t have one of my own…but he…”

“Was a lot like you?” You guessed after a moment of silence, Spencer nodded.

“I mean it was…His dad left when he was younger, mom couldn’t always be there,…A child prodigy who was bullied every day.” Spencer explained. “And I couldn’t help but wonder where I would have been without you.” The air between the two of you felt odd, it felt new. “You never saw me as a prodigy, or a machine, but as a human…”

“With a little bit of magic.” You gave him a smile, shoving his shoulder lightly with your free hand. But before you could take it back, Spencer held onto it.

“I mean it, thank you for…being you.” He added, his hand was warm as it wrapped around yours, and though summer was still in full swing, you felt a small chill run through you.

“Don’t think being sweet to me is going to get you out of buying me my Slurpee.” You teased to lighten the mood, but he still held onto your hand, resting it comfortably between you. He just shook his head, fighting a grin. “Besides, you helped me as much as I helped you. So in a way, it evens out.”

“I don’t think-”

“No, really,” You interjected him, squeezing his hand. “Spence, you were the first one to ever confront me about…the bruises, and you never stopped reminding me that you were there if I needed you. Telling me I was worth more than the poor excuse of love I had been shown.” You sighed. “And when I did finally come to you for help, you took me in. Spencer,…” Stopping at a red light, you looked over at him. “I also don’t know where I’d be right now without you…so thanks.” A bashful smile broke across his face as he looked down, the light turning green as he did, pulling your attention.

“I guess we’re both pretty lucky to know each other…huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” You agreed, biting your lip as you mulled over your words. “I love you, you know that? It seems odd that I’ve never said it after all these years, but…I love you, Spencer Reid.”

“That _is_ odd.” He replied, his thumb rubbing slightly against the back of your hand. “I love you too, y/n.”


	7. want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey....been a hot minute, but here I am with the last chapter!

Months passed as the two of you danced around each other, and life kept moving. Autumn had turned into winter, winter into spring, and you know the rest. But as Autumn began to creep back into view, Spencer found himself keeping a closer eye on you. He told himself he was just making sure you were alright, but in all honesty, he was curious as to whether or not you’d break your Halloween resolution.

It had almost been a full year, after all, not that it was any of his business if you broke it or not. You’d be in good company if you had, studies have shown that less than 25% of people actually stay committed to their resolutions after just 30 days, and only 8% accomplish them. And you were a grown woman, if you wanted to date someone far be it for anyone to tell you you couldn’t. But as far as he could tell, it seemed like you had kept your resolution, because there you were, snuggled up next to him on the couch on a Saturday night. Only mere days till you’d reach your goal.

“What are you thinking of wearing to the party?” Your words coaxed him out of his thoughts as his gaze shifted from the TV to you. Rossi had announced that he’d be throwing a Halloween party this year and to say you seemed excited about it was an understatement.

“I’m not sure, what are you going as?” He asked back, secretly wishing he harbored the same unbridled joy you had for Halloween this year, but he had been feeling run down lately. Not that he wanted you to know, he kept the headaches and nightmares to himself for the most part. He knew you had your own demons to deal with.

“I think I want to go old school this year, but I haven’t decided on anything yet.” Giving him a smile, you looked back at the screen.

Having you here helped, that much Spencer was sure of. Even though he wasn’t as excited as he usually was, walking into his apartment to see it decorated for the season really lifted his spirits. The smell of Halloween made its home in the apartment, just as you had done so easily.

When you managed to find a job, Spencer was elated for you, but a part of him was worried you’d want to move out and start living on your own. His stomach dropped when you had texted him that the two of you needed to talk, only to be relieved when all you wanted to talk about was you paying for your half of the rent.

“Old school?” Spencer asked for no real reason, as he tried to force his mind to focus on the movie instead of how you felt pressed against his side.

“Yeah, like sexy but scary.” You replied with a laugh, oblivious to the way Spencer’s Adam's apple bobbed.

~

It was around 1 am when you heard him get up, not a completely unusual thing for Spencer, but he had done it more in the past two weeks than he had before. Every time you asked him about it, he’d change the subject, not wanting to involve you. It was infuriating.

With a groan, you rolled out of bed, not even attempting to throw on anything decent as any attempt to be modest flew out the window months ago. Not that Spencer seemed to care, he never looked nor did he make a single comment. So you thought nothing of entering the kitchen wearing only an oversized t-shirt and boxers.

“Spence, what are you doing?” Your voice cracked a little as you rubbed your eyes, shuffling into the room.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” His voice was low as if he was still trying to stay quiet, busy looking through the various tea boxes in the cabinet. “Do you want some tea?”

“What kind are you having?”

“Chamomile,” He answered, finally turning around. Spencer’s eyes looked you up and down so fast you almost missed it as you yawned. _But you didn’t miss it._

“I should have known,” You smiled, leaning against the counter across from him. “I would love some, thank you.” Nodding his head, he poured the hot water into two mugs, placing the bags inside and stirring in a little bit of sugar.

“Why are you up?” Spencer asked as he handed you your mug, leaning against the counter as well.

“There is this guy…” You said with a faint smile, stirring your tea around.

“Oh?” Dropping his gaze to his feet, you didn’t miss the way Spencer’s voice rose a little.

“Yeah, and he’s being a little silly lately.”

“How so?”

“Well, you see, he’s not telling me what’s been keeping him up at night,” Spencer’s head rose along with his gaze once he finally realized you were talking about him. “And every time I try to talk to him about it, he brushes me off. What should I do?” You asked, taking a sip from your mug.

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to add to your stress by unloading his problems onto you.” He shrugged, his fingers playing with the handle of his mug, taking a long drink.

“But that’s the thing, I go to him with my problems all the time.” You sighed. “I just need to know that he’s going to be ok…I need to know how I can help.”

“He’s going to be fine,” Spencer stated after a moment of silence, finishing his drink. “And there isn’t a whole lot you can do for him, so…” Trailing off, he moved to rinse his mug in the sink.

“I can still try,” You insisted, not saying another word, you finished your own drink, doing the same as him before grabbing his hand. Leading him to his bedroom, you let go of him, walking over to the bed to slip under the covers.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked but moved to stand by his side of the bed, getting under the covers when you patted the space next to you.

“Sometimes, people just need to be held.” You replied, wrapping your arms around him, you pulled him close as he rested his head on your chest.

A part of you was worried he’d be able to tell how fast your heart was beating, but a more dominant part of you wished he _would_ notice. Notice the way you reacted to him, notice the way you felt about him, notice that you weren’t going anywhere. But instead, you felt his breathing become slower as he relaxed into you, drifting off in minutes.

~

When you woke up, you were surprised to find him still in bed with you, his arms and legs wrapped around your body making it impossible to move. His head still rested against your chest, turned up slightly to where you could see his face as he continued dreaming.

You couldn’t stop your eyes from tracing his features, noticing small details about him you had never taken the time to see before. But what had most of your attention were his lips, soft and pink, a shiver ran down your spine as you recalled kissing those exact lips so many years ago. The two of you were just kids back then. _You_ were just a kid. Unaware of the feeling that would begin to grow after that night for the boy next door. The shy, funny, weird genius that was about to be late if he didn’t wake up.

“Hey…Spencer,” You said, shaking him. “Spencer you need to wake up.” Jolting awake, he nearly threw himself off the bed, causing you to laugh.

“I’m sor-sorry, I didn’t-” He was flustered as he stood, raking his hand through his hair.

“Spence, I’m waking you up because you need to get ready for work.”

“Work?” He said slowly as he noticed the clock on his nightstand. “Oh shit,” And just like that he was gone, disappearing into the bathroom.

With a content sigh, you got out of bed to head into the kitchen. You knew, in about five minutes, Spencer would be stumbling from his room and out the door. So you decided to make him a cup of coffee for the road. It was just a small action, you thought nothing of it as you poured it into a to-go mug, making it just the way he liked it. The last thing you expected when you handed it to a disheveled Spencer, was for him to mumble an _‘I love you’_ as he kissed your forehead, only to disappear for the second time, out the front door.

~

He didn’t know why he did it, couldn’t possibly tell you what evil part of him decided that would be a good thing to do as he left, but Spencer had been racking his brain over it the whole way to work. It wasn’t the first time either one of you had said I love you, after that trip to 7-11 the two of you would say it in passing, but this time it was different. This time he said it with his whole chest. Add the kiss and falling asleep in your arms, Spencer was afraid you’d read into it.

…And he was afraid you wouldn’t.

But before he could think of what he was going to say to you tonight, Penelope called everyone to the roundtable. There was a case, of course, there would be a case. Not only would talking to you have to wait, but it also looked like the Halloween party was going to be canceled. He waited until everyone left the room to call you about the party, you sounded just as disappointed as he had expected. But to his relief, you didn’t mention this morning, only wishing him a safe trip.

Spencer thought once you moved in with him, he wouldn’t have to spend a Halloween without you for a long time. It seemed he was wrong, as he boarded the plane, he slumped down in one of the seats. His mind reminding him of all the things he had missed out on in the past, and what he was sure he was going to miss in the future.

~

Saying you missed Spencer’s presence in the apartment when he was gone made you feel like an abandoned spouse, so you never said it at all. You never told anyone about how you’d crawl into his bed some nights when you had a nightmare or just couldn’t sleep. You never told anyone about how just the smell of him calmed you. You never told anyone about anything.

A part of you wanted to deny your feelings, he was your best friend after all, if you messed that up by trying to be more…you didn’t know what you’d do. But when you woke up with his arms wrapped around you, followed by an I love you and an innocent forehead kiss, you weren’t sure you could keep your feelings in any longer.

So you weren’t going to. You decided as you sat alone that Halloween watching old horror movies, you had fulfilled your Halloween resolution and were in need of a new one.

~

**_Do you have another Halloween resolution this year? - Spencer_ **

**_I do! Do you? -Y/n_ **

**_Yes. What is it? - Spencer_ **

**_A secret, what’s yours? - Y/n_ **

**_It’s a secret too. Happy Halloween. - Spencer_ **

**_Happy Halloween - Y/n_ **

**_~_ **

Even though the team did miss Halloween and Rossi had to cancel the party, it didn’t mean there would be no party at all. With a little help from Penelope, the two of you set up in your apartment, putting up even more spooky decorations, lights, and cobwebs. She even helped you set up the food and drinks, only leaving to get ready.

Slipping into your room, you were about to do the same after sending a text to the team, reminding them of the plans, only to hear the front door open. Poking your head out, you saw Spencer, his tired expression was replaced with a soft smile once he saw the state of the apartment. Taking a step further, he reached for a plate of cookies, causing you to fully leave your room.

“No cookies until after dinner!” You exclaimed, reaching for the cookie in his hand just as he lifted it over the both of you, out of your reach.

“Says who?” Spencer laughed as you tried to use his shoulders as leverage, to no avail.

“Says the one who slaved over dinner all day.” You huffed as you gave up.

“Alright, I guess you have a point.” He gave in, setting the cookie aside for later. “How did you have time to do all this anyway?” He asked, a tone of awe in his voice as he looked around the place once again.

“Penelope helped me out,” The smile on your face faltered slightly when you noticed the slight bruise on his cheek. “What happened to you?” Your hand rose on its own, lightly grazing the raised skin.

“Oh it’s nothing,” He shrugged, making no move to push your hand away. “I didn’t even register that the unsub had hit me until I was on the way home,” Spencer laughed lightly. “I figured it would add to my costume.”

“What _is_ your costume anyway?” You asked, stepping away to move towards your bedroom, the conversation reminding you you needed to start getting ready if you wanted to be done before guests started arriving.

“It’s a secret!” Making his own way towards his room, Spencer gave you a silly grin.

“Lot’s of secrets going on lately.”

“It seems so,”

~

Spencer had only just finished getting dressed when he heard a knock at the door. Penelope was the first to arrive, dressed as little red riding hood. Followed by Derek, who must have been coerced by Penelope to dress as a werewolf. The three of them had been talking for a while before you eventually left your room, knocking the wind out of Spencer the minute his eyes landed on you. You had gone old school, as promised, dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein. Though you had your own spin on it, you looked…well.

“You look amazing,” Spencer said as he stood.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” You laughed, noticing he was dressed as Frankenstein’s monster.

“Awe, you guys planned your outfit?” Penelope chimed in.

“We didn’t actually,” You said, your gaze finally falling on the two on the couch. “But I have a feeling you guys did.” A big smile grew across your face seeing Derek dressed as a sexy werewolf.

Before Spencer could say anything else, there was another knock at the door. In a matter of minutes, everyone else arrived and dinner was served. Much to Spencer’s disappointment, the two of you sat at opposite ends of the long fold-out table. He had wondered how you were going to have room for everyone, he should have known you’d find a way.

Between Derek and JJ, Spencer’s opportunities to steal glances at you were few, but from what he did see, you seemed to be having a good time. Either laughing at something Emily said or listening intently to a story Rossi was telling, you were radiating. With a drink in your hand and a laid back posture, he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen you so happy.

~

It was hard, ever since you had made up your mind to confess your feelings to Spencer, every part of you screamed at you to tell him. But you couldn’t, not yet, not before the party, and especially not during it. It made Emily’s knowing glances and prying questions that much harder to avoid. She could be so easy to talk to, you often found yourself telling her things not even Spencer knew…but this was different, you couldn’t tell anyone about this.

Because what if it went bad? What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he got uncomfortable and asked you to move out? The many ways it could go wrong had been front and center in your mind. It was one of the reasons you were dying to tell him, you needed to know. Because with every passing minute, you found yourself falling further and deeper into whatever it was you were feeling. Seeing him at the end of the table, laughing louder than he had in years, you could almost make out that little glimmer of light in his eyes, causing your heart to swell with an emotion you didn’t even have a name for.

Hotch was the first to leave, followed by JJ. The rest of the gang held out for a little longer, but you could tell they were all tired. You were sure if it wasn’t a Friday, they all would have left sooner, but by eleven-thirty they were all out the door, leaving you and Spencer alone. Suddenly, you were nervous. The glasses of wine you had had not so long ago did nothing to calm your nerves as you began to clear up the table.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” Spencer said, grabbing the plate from your hand. “I’m sure you’re tired.” Letting him take it, you reached for another one.

“Me? What about you?” You laughed, picking up the rest of the plates to bring into the kitchen, placing them next to the sink where Spencer was beginning to rinse the dishes. “How about we both clean up, that way it goes faster.” You compromised as you began putting all the food away. In no time, the two of you managed to put everything up, save for the decorations. “I’m going to change, do you want to watch a movie?” You asked as you made your way to your room.

“I’d love to,” He replied, slightly blushing as he disappeared into his own room.

Even though you thought he looked handsome in his work clothes, and he looked very adorable dressed up as a monster, seeing Spencer in sweatpants and a t-shirt always did something to you. With his wild hair and tired eyes, he looked soft, despite his sharp features. You found him passed out on the couch, a random movie playing on the TV. The sight warmed your heart. Making your way over to him, you gently rubbed his shoulder.

“I think you should go to bed.” You said softly once his eyes fluttered open.

“No, no, you wanted to watch a movie.” Spencer tried to assure you, straightening himself on the couch with a yawn.

“That’s not what I want,” A slight laugh escaped you as you sat down beside him, your hand running through his hair as he rubbed his eyes.

“It’s not?” He asked his voice heavy with sleep.

“No, I want…” The words wouldn’t come out as you looked at him, though you willed them to, they just wouldn’t come.

“What? What _do_ you want?” He pressed as if his life depended on it. _He must be really tired_. “I’ll be whatever you want…I mean do!” Spencer was quick to correct himself. “I’ll do whatever you want!” His words caused your heart to sink, reminding you of what he had said that Halloween after his dad left.

“It’s you, Spence. I just want you.” You finally admitted with a sad smile.

“You want me?” A sleepy grin grew across his face. “You…want me?” He said again, pointing between the two of you.

“Yes,” laughing, you lightly pushed his shoulder, only for him to gently grab your wrist. The bubbly feeling you had felt a second ago was replaced with something else as he began to lean closer to you. His lips ghosted yours and you could feel his breath as he spoke.

“This is what you want?” He asked again as you shut your eyes.

“Yes,” You repeated. Not a second later you felt his lips press against yours, finally. Slow and sweet at first, your hands found their way back in his hair as he cupped your face, deepening the kiss after a moment. “Is this what you want?” You asked pulling away suddenly, causing him to fall forward slightly as he tried to follow your mouth.

“Do _I_ want this?” Spencer reiterated with a laugh. “God, yes. I want this.” He assured you, kissing you once again.

~

When you’re friends with someone long enough, you often wonder how it was the two of you started talking in the first place. Looking back, you try to remember first impressions, secrets shared, and the moments that would always carry a place in your heart. The first time you kissed Spencer Reid had, for the longest time, been a very special moment for you. But the second time you kissed Spencer was a moment you never wanted to forget.

And as you rolled over in Spencer’s bed to find him asleep, you decided this was a moment you wanted to remember as well. Because this time, you were allowed to admire him. Slowly, his eyes began to open as he blinked away sleep, breathing in deeply while his arms wrapped tighter around you, pulling you closer to him.

“Hey,” He said with a lazy smile.

“Hey,” You echoed back, nuzzling deeper into your pillow.

“You were my Halloween resolution, by the way,” Spencer spoke again after a few minutes, his thumb caressing your exposed skin. “I told myself I’d finally tell you how I felt.”

“And how do you feel?”

“…Indescribable,” He finally replied.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course,”

“You were my resolution, too.” You admitted as you leaned to give him a small kiss before cuddling closer to him, missing the tinge of pink that dusted his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, likes and comments are loved and appreciated.
> 
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> tv-saved-the-teenage-girl.tumblr.com


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